


Fifty Shades of Kaito

by Anonymous



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Food Porn, Innuendo, M/M, Multi, Other, april fool's, crackfic, shitpost, this is very bad, trollfic, why did i do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 17:03:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kaito falls in love for the first time.  It gets dumber every chapter.  Crackfic





	1. Love at First Lick

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a serious fanfiction and I hope no one actually takes this seriously. I was bored and just wanted a bit of fun on April Fool's. You'll probably hate ice cream after reading this terrible shitpost.

Kaito, a dashingly handsome but lonely man, was bored and wanted to hang out with his friends. So he went to the ice cream store with Fukase and Oliver but they kept ruining everything by constantly making out.

"Geez, get a room lovebirds!" Kaito scremed but they ignored him. Then he noticed the most beautiful thing ever. "Imma take you home and devour you." He smiled seductively and ditched the sinnamon rolls at the store without them noticing. 

In a few seconds, he was back in his apartment because screw logic. He let his tongue trail down the pale white body of his lover, the sweet taste dominating his mouth. It was like...love at first lick. He kept going at it until he passed out.

The next day, he woke up with a stomach ache so bad he felt he was about to explode. So he did what he knew best...run to the doctor's office and arrive in mere seconds.

"Kaito, I'm sorry to say but you're lactose intolerant. Don't eat ice cream again." The doctor said after he gave Kaito a check up.

"NOOO!!!!11!!!1 You're not taking my lover away from me!!1!!!1!" Kaito screameded and ran out the office. He arrived back in his apartment and started shoveling ice cream into his mouth. "They'll never take you away from me, dear, my beautiful vanilla ice cream."

And so he spent his entire day on the toilet.


	2. Chocolate Affair

Kaito was busy eating up his vanilla ice cream when he noticed something dark in the back of his freezer. What was it? Chocolate ice cream! Being the curious ice cream lover he was, he took one lick and instantly fell in love and tossed away his precious vanilla.

"Mmmm...you taste so much sweeter than vanilla." He moaned as he let brown liquid drip down his throat.

Then all of a sudden, Len Kagameme appeared out of nowhere and stuck his banana into the gooey mess of vanilla. "This is mine now! MWAHAHAHA!"

"NO! It's mine!" Kaito snarled and tried to take back his lover, but Len ran away too quickly for him.

Poor Kaito fell to his knees and cried for the loss of his tasty lover. He wondered what he could do to get it back from the banana tyrant.


	3. A Happy (?) Ending

Kaito went over to Fukase's and Oliver's place for love advice because they seemed to be masters of love. But he walked in on them making out (again).

"Ew gross. Do you ever stop?" Kaito nearly puked as he watched.

"Shh...Oliver, don't move. Maybe he'll go away." Fukase whispered to Oliver.

"No, let him watch." Oliver winked. "I don't care that he's here, I only see you bby."

Kaito rolled his eyes and left in disgust. He cried again and went to the grocery store to stock his refrigerator up with more chocolate ice cream. To his surprise, he saw the solution to his love problems - a tub of vanilla chocolate swirl ice cream! He was so happy he brought out the store's entire stock.

Kaito lived happily ever after with both his vanilla and chocolate ice cream. He was still lactose intolerant though but he didn't care. He didn't mind letting his lovers control his fate of staying on the toilet all day.

And what happened to Len? He turned into a banana after eating too many banananas.


End file.
